My Auntie Vi was my mom’s older sister.  They did not get along very well, but as they grew older they bonded together as if holding on to each other would keep what was to come away.  They would have moments of great disagreements and then they would do the kindest thing for each other.  It kept us on our toes.

Auntie Vi had very strong opinions.  she had this habit of cutting out articles from the newspaper (and making copies) to hand to you whenever she saw you.  Mostly to point out where she got her information from and prove she was right. If that didn’t work she had other ways.  Such as the time she felt we were all going to die if we burned candles, not because of the fire but the fumes.  If we were sitting at a table that had candles lit she would softly remind everyone of the dangers.  When no one would acknowledge this, she would start clearing her throat louder and longer.  She would do this until someone blew out the candles.  Or we could all sit there continue to eat our meal and ignoring the elephant in the room, trying not to give eye contact and keep conversing.

One year I made a wonderful Crown Pork Roast.  She convinced my mother they would die when she saw the meat was pink.   They were so upset I had to take their meat and nuke it until it was almost leather.   To their credit when they were younger it would have been a health risk to eat pork that was pink – after explaining this they would yell “you’ll get worms!”  Because of all the fuss I had forgotten the jello salad until after everyone left the table fo which my aunt exclaimed:  “I knew it!”  And every year after, she would remind me not to forget (and every year it seemed she was right).

My mom and aunt talked on the phone, not once but many times during the day.  It kept them grounded.  It kept them alert.  It gave them a purpose.  At times they would drive the rest of us crazy with the relentless phone calls…but it was good for them.  It kept the sisters together.

It was Easter time and I was to pick up my aunt.  She lived across town and it was an easy trip.  This year we would be going to Stillwater to have dinner by the boat docks.  My brother thought it would be nice for my aunt and mother since they grew up in Boston and always talked about the water. The past few months our attentions were on my mom’s health.  She had had a small stroke.  She was now back in her apartment and doing well.  My aunt had been worried for my mother and missed their daily talks.  So now that my mom had returned home she was very happy to have the calls again.  All was going well for the outing.  We were starting to breathe again from my mom’s stroke.  Things were getting back to normal.

That Easter morning I got a call from my mother.  My aunt was very mad at me.  I was not there to pick her up and…there were more words regarding how bad I was.  I looked at the clock and it was two hours before I had to pick up my aunt.  I explained that to my mom, reasoning that why would I pick her up two hours early to just drive around?  My mom was upset and still was not the best in her reasoning skills from her stroke.  I hung up and called my aunt.  She would hardly talk to me.  She asked “how could I do this to her!” and hung up.  My brother soon called and told me because I forgot to pick her up he would.  He heard the story from mom and he understood.  But to keep all happy I would pick my mom up instead.  We hung up and I stood there numb.  What just happen??

My mom and I arrived before everyone else.  When my aunt got out of the car something hit me.  Something was not right.  My aunt was presentable enough but her hair which is always perfect was not.  Her clothes and shoes did not match and that was a big no-no for her.  I was helping my mother to the table and asked if she noticed.  My mom was more concerned about making any disruptions and begged me not to say a word.  So we sat together and started in the polite conversations, keeping everything positive.  Out of the corner of my eye I did noticed that Auntie Vi would be talking off in the distance about the water and it didn’t make sense.  It was as if she was pointing to someone or asking for someone.  In the rush of ordering and getting our food her comments lost to others kept waking my “work” senses.  Something was wrong.  She was not eating much.  She was off.  Not completely, but enough to make me wonder.  I encourage water and food and soon realize my instincts were right.  I pointed out to my brother what was wrong and told him I would take her home.  But this time she was calmer around me and the glass of water started to make a difference.  She was more alert and seem to be able to track our conversations to the point my mom thought I had over reacted.  I started to second guess myself and came to the conclusion that maybe I had.  But I still wanted to take her home to see for myself if anything was out of the ordinary.

Walking into my aunt’s apartment I saw nothing out of place.  I did a sweep as we talked.  I checked her kitchen cabinets as well as the refrigerator.  All seem well.  She had food that was up to date and even some cookies on the counter with only one or two gone.  So in my check list it seems that maybe it was dehydration and she was doing well now.  I made sure she had some more water before I left.  But something kept me from leaving.  How could it go down so fast?  She was so upset with me in the morning.  I checked her wall calendar and there it was…the time for me to pick her up was right.  I then check her clock to see if that was wrong…it was not.  So at that moment I made a decision.  I  stepped out of the niece persona and went into my working persona.  I went back to where my aunt was sitting and asked her about what she remembers about the day.  In the conversation she was not aware that she had been mad.  I asked her about her hair and if she did it and why not the salon. She could not remember and thought maybe she did not make an appointment (she has a standing appointment).  We talked a bit more and then I explained to her that I have been noticing her forgetfulness.  We talked about these changes and I suggested that maybe I should make an appointment with her doctor and I would come with her – since I could remember better.  She accepted that.  She was doing fine now and I knew she was in a safe place.  I left with a new list – to write down these changes/issues and call the doctor in the morning.

I could not get her in until Thursday.  I had alerted the senior housing staff and was assured they would look in on her.  I called her every day to be sure she was doing well with reminders of when I would pick her up.  That Thursday morning I called to remind her what to wear and time for pick up.  She agreed and would be ready.  I got to her place and when she open the door – there she stood – fully naked and looking a bit panic.  She could not figure out what to wear, or what purse to take.  She was not aware that she was naked. I quickly got her back inside and closed the door.  The niece persona was shocked.  The working persona took over.  As I was helping her get dress I realize that even picking out a slip or shoes was hard for her.  Calming her down and reassuring her I asked if she had eaten breakfast and she said she had.  I gave her a glass of water then I combed her hair and off we went.  I was glad I had made this appointment and ready to get help for her from the doctor.  What I was not ready for was his reaction.

to be continued….